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About Deviant Official Beta Tester Regina24/Female/United States Groups :iconopposingkingdoms: OpposingKingdoms
 
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But Hikaru, that's from 2006!! Yeah.. so? I've removed it and re-uploaded it several times before due to not liking the quality when I tried to make AMVs perfect. But I always have the urge to re-upload it when I'm in an emo state of mind having to do with 'friendship.' The song always just gets to me every time, and with the clips chosen, I just love it too much to ever delete it. So it fits my mood again, therefore it's back on YT, ....

.....Don't question my madness when I'm in this state of mind.

  • Mood: Emotional
Registered my classes for Spring and Summer,  here's the schedule so far...
If there's any changes I'll update this journal....

Spring 2015 Semester
English 1101: Tuesdays and Thursdays 8:00am - 10:45am
CIST 1130 Operating Systems Concepts: Tuesdays and Thursdays 1:00pm - 2:15pm
CIST 2351 PHP Programming I: Monday 5:30pm - 7:15PM
CIST 2921 IT Analysis Design&Project Management: ONLINE
POLS1101 Political Science/American Government: ONLINE
Trying to get the Dean to let me throw a math class in for two extra credit hours....

Summer 2015 Semester
HUMN1101 Introduction to Humanities: Tuesdays and Thursdays 1:00pm - 3:45pm
Still adding classes to this, I have to get adviser approval for a few.

I also changed my Major from Computer Programming to a Double-Major of Computer Programming and Networking Specialist.
  • Mood: Emotional
Just one of those list things on the Internet. I'd say they're all true, it's just some friends are paranoid to the extent you can't do a few..

FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food. 
REAL FRIENDS: are the reason you have no food. 


FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs 
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM 

FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry. 
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you 

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. 
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget its yours. 

FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you. 
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you. 

FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. 
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you. 

FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. 
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!" 

FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile. 
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life. 

FAKE FRIENDS: will talk bad to the person who talks bad about you. 
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them out.


simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself 


simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears. 

simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names. A real friend has their phone numbers in their address book. 

simple friend brings a flowers to your party. A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean. 

simple friend hates it when you call after they've gone to bed. A real friend asks you why you took so long to call. 

simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems. A real friend seeks to help you with your problems. 

simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it. 

simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument. A real friend calls you after you had a fight. 

simple friend expects you to always be there for them. A real friend expects to always be there for you!

  • Mood: Emotional
3 Years ago on this exact day, October 27th, 2011,  during the morning around 8am. I stood up in the court of Torrance California, after just having a Restraining Order renewed on me for 3 years by a Mrs. Angela Aylward. I stood up, holding back tears, and told that judge, and Bitchward who was sitting there as well that it didn't matter WTF they did. What restraining order they placed on me, what methods they went through to keep us from talking, and what her, the state, or anyone did. That we would STILL be friends. That they couldn't control or change that. That it was not their choice and if my friend still had the desire to talk to me, we eventually would. It was not something they could stop, not then, not ever, as long as we wanted to be friends, we would be friends, and that wasn't their choice, it was ours. I stood there and told that to the judge, and then tore the permanent restraining order that had just been given to me, flipped the Judge off, and walked out of the court room to sit in the hallway and cry.

Then in April 2012, as most already know, I lived on the streets of Cali for 4 days, spent the night in jail another 4, all so I could be there to get that friend out of that Hell the day he turned 18, per a promise I had made him back when we last talked. The cops lied, I felt I was betrayed and turned against, and nearly went back to Arizona with the goal of getting rid of all my friends, distancing myself and saying fuck friendship. It was only the show My Little Pony, which I had just recently watched one or two episodes of, that was able to keep me from doing so as it showed the morals and lessons of friendship I had so vainly tried to hold on to and live by during that fiasco. It gave me a reason to still believe that it wasn't all pointless or hopeless.

And what a suprirse, eventually we did talk again, found out the cops were lying in that instance that he didn't betray, it was all a setup, amongst other things. Our friendship had prevailed in the end. Neither the mother nor the court had been able to stop it, and I had shown those who had called me crazy for going that far for a friend, that believing in friendship to that extent was not a mistake after all.

Now today? That Restraining Order is gone.
Today, the 3-years on the order ended and it having not been renewed, is expired.
But where does that friendship now lie?
Blocked!

Things have happened, unforgettable and somewhat unforgivable things, on both sides. We keep trying to be friends again, but something always sets fire to it, something I did or said, or something he did or said that caused me to lash out in anger. Either way, every time we try to reconcile and be friends again, it blows up. Now, the last thing I heard was "[10/17/2014 8:30:02 PM] G********e: Fine. I'll leave this chat, but we're never going to be friends again." So I don't know if that's permanent or not, he didn't exactly say the phrase he had said before would be permanent, but that could just be drawing at straws. Bottom line, He's changed, I of course never do, I try, but always fail. He's gotten more aggressive... and quick to overreact which never works with my personality of being quick to anger, impulsive, defiant, and a bit arrogant.

No matter what we seem to talk about it always ends up in an argument as of late. Games, Anime, RPing, Idle chatter. HE always finds something I said or did to attack. I always try to defend, it ends up in 'communication problems,' and I either go AFK to vent or he blocks me. That's basically the gist...But you've all heard that before and I'm just beating the dead horse by going over it again. That's not the point of this journal. The point of this journal is...

I REFUSE. I refuse to accept this! 
Call me crazy, call me a fucking fool to keep trying to be friends with someone who's changed and obviously doesn't want to be. But the fact remains, I can't accept that.
Not through everything we've both been through.
Not through the lessons of friendship, anime, MLP, LBT, and other things that I've taken to heart, tried to live by, and have seen come true at times.
So we argued every little thing? SO THE FUCK WHAT!

That's what friends do! There is no perfect friendship. People shouldn't always agree or on everything or things would be boring. Friends have arguments. Friends want to kill each other at times and make one anthers life hell. Friends tend to overreact, or be quick to anger with each other. It's part of friendship, just as hanging out, talking, and getting along is part of it as well. He, or others might say well "I don't do that with my other friends." Okay, so? It's BECAUSE we were such close friends that we do it. It's because we were so close in friendship that we could tell each other when they're being a downright asshole, or bitch, get into arguments, but always make up after. It's because we were such close friends, that we could do all those things, stress each other to such damn lengths, but still say our sorry's in the end and keep our friendship. Yeah, regular friends don't do that. But that's because they're surface friendships. I knew most of my friend and he knew most of me, the good and the bad parts and because of that, we could recognize when each other had changed, wasn't being themselves or needed to be told off. We were more than friends, we were online/unrelated siblings. We had that closeness to the point you would think we could overcome this crap. You would think that  "HELL YEAH, we're going to argue, we're going to attack each other and stress each other out. But we're friends, so no matter what we do to each other, we can always just shake it off and move on, laughing about it later."

...That's what I saw it as. I guess I'm wrong. But as wrong as I may be. I refuse that ending statement. I refuse to let it end with this pettiness, and just give up as if we had just had some shallow friendship that can't get through such things. I'm not a social person, I don't make friends that easily, and hell, the friends I do have I don't know how I got. They became MY friend, I didn't seek them out or ask them to be, because I don't know how. So the few friends I do have.. I try to keep them through everything... and regret as all hell when I fuck up on doing so. I try to do anything for them and be with them through trial, tribulation, thick and thin. I try to be like a figurative wall between them and who's against them if I can be if we've became that close.. Some call it brash, some call it crazy, some say I'm going too far and need to know when to quit. But whatever! That's me! That's the point to which I value my friends, and it may be crazy, I may make fucking mistake after mistake, even some I can't take back... I may be depressed as all hell regretting, crying, and wondering "WTF was wrong with me?" But, in the end, I care for my friends. I care to them to the point that....

I refuse to let statements like that end.
I refuse! Even if that's what the other person wants! 
I can't accept that.
I just can't.
No matter what may be said.
No matter what may happen...
No matter how it ends...
I won't let it end.
I'll keep fighting...
Keep trying..
Keep doing everything in my damn power to stay friends.
Even when it goes out of my power, like court, cops, and crap like that.
I still won't accept it!
Because of what little friendship I have obtained in this damned life...
...I believe in it...
And it is that belief which will keep me trying.

So bring what will, fate.
I REFUSE TO ACCEPT!
  • Mood: Winter Downs
   I dropped the English minimester and will pick up English again next semester as a full term instead.

Yeah, go ahead and get your laughs out now. Call me a failure, a dropout, someone who couldn't handle it. It's nothing new. I've heard it all before.

It was just TOO much work and I cracked under stress. I woke up at like 3am in the morning to finish the HW I needed to do (2.1 - 2.9). Realized I had forgotten all about a quiz on the terminology, hadn't studied, don't have the best memory to just cram and remember them. The quiz isn't multiple choice, so you can't even guess, you have to write the definition. Realized I was going into too much stress and was like "Fuck this." Went on my phone to the website and dropped the class.

...Yeah... I feel fucking awful and like a damn failure...
But there was just no way...
I couldn't handle that much HW with only 1-2 days in between to work on it.
Yeah I'm a failure.. No, I disagree! 

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:iconremilatour:
RemiLatour Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2014
Thank you very much for the fav:)
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:iconexo-bot:
Exo-Bot Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Holy ducks
Your webcam is ducking amazing.
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:iconlegadovisual:
legadovisual Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Gracias por el favorito en Videl! fav.me/d82e5vd
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:iconria-channn:
Ria-Channn Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
watched you from :icondailygiveget:
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:iconchalktwins:
ChalkTwins Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you so much for the watch!! :happybounce:
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